How to talk about sex in a new relationship with ease

New relationships are often thrilling.

There’s the rush of getting to know one another and feeling like you’ve found someone special.

But when it comes to talking about sex, many of us hit a wall.

Even though sharing physical intimacy might come naturally, discussing it verbally can be challenging. However, talking openly about sex with a new partner brings huge benefits—both in terms of connection and comfort. 

So, let’s take this step by step. In this blog you’ll discover:

• Why it’s so hard to talk about sex

• Why it’s important to talk about sex

• How to bring up sex for the first time

• Ways to handle awkwardness

• What to discuss when talking about sex

And much more. Let’s get started.

Why it’s so hard to talk about sex

Sex is everywhere in our culture, yet conversations about it often remain taboo.From religion to media, and even well-meaning family members, many of us have been influenced by negative messages about sex.

So it’s no wonder this is so hard to talk about. These ingrained stigmas can make the idea of opening up about your desires or concerns seem daunting, especially with someone new.

Even though discussing sex can feel uncomfortable, the benefits far outweigh the discomfort. It’s one of the key ways to ensure both partners are on the same page, allowing for deeper trust and better sexual experiences. 

Let’s see why it’s so important to talk about sex in a new relationship.

Why it’s important to talk about sex in a new relationship

Talking about sex in a new relationship might feel awkward at first, but it’s necessary for building a strong foundation.

Most people can’t read minds, so communication is essential. Talking openly helps ensure you and your partner are aligned in your expectations, boundaries, and desires. You’ll also want to cover topics like health and safety, past experiences, and more (which we cover below).

Bringing up sex early in the relationship can help you and your partner feel more comfortable together. Not only that, but discussing sex paves the way for more fulfilling physical intimacy.

By opening up this dialogue, you can avoid misunderstandings, ensure both partners feel safe and respected, and ultimately enhance your overall connection.

How to bring up sex for the first time

The keys to bringing up sex with a new partner are (1) being clear about your intentions and (2) choosing the right moment.

It's important to know what you want to talk about and why. Are you curious about their expectations, concerned about boundaries, or looking to ensure mutual comfort? Having clarity in your own mind can make the conversation easier.

When it comes to timing, aim to bring it up “as early as possible,” ideally before sex happens – or when it feels like it might. Waiting too long can lead to awkwardness or misunderstandings. But bringing it up early allows for openness and transparency. It’s also never too late.

Choose a relaxed, private setting where both of you feel comfortable, and remember, the goal isn’t to have a perfect conversation, but rather an honest one.

Handling awkwardness

It’s normal to feel awkward when talking about sex for the first time, or even the first few times. Our tip? Acknowledge those feelings upfront—it can actually make the conversation easier.

Saying something like, “This might feel a little awkward, but I think it’s important to talk about sex,” can help break the ice and put both of you at ease. Remember, you don’t have to be perfect in your approach.

As long as your intention is clear and you’re coming from a place of care and respect, that’s what matters most. Being vulnerable in these conversations builds trust and creates an open environment where both partners feel heard and valued.

Three key topics to discuss

When talking about sex, there are three main areas to cover:

What does sex mean to you?

It’s important to explore what sex means for each of you. Does it signify an emotional connection? Is it purely physical? Discuss your expectations—past, present, and in this relationship. Remember, there is no right or wrong here.

You might ask questions like, “What does sex mean to you?” or “What expectations do you have?” This can help ensure that both of you are on the same page about what sex means in the context of your relationship.

Sexual health and safety

Talking about sexual health is a must. Discuss condoms (if relevant), contraception (if applicable), STI status, and any other health issues. Talk about what’s important to you. You might say “I’d rather use condoms for a while. I’ll be sure to have some around.” Or, “I’d like you to know that I’m on PrEP.” 

This conversation is about ensuring that you both feel comfortable and secure when it comes to your health and well-being.

Pleasure and boundaries

It’s just as important to talk about what brings pleasure. What do each of you enjoy? What are your boundaries? Do you have any boundaries around monogamy or nonmonogamy?

This conversation is about creating an environment where both partners feel free to express their desires and limitations.

Is it okay to talk about sex over text?

In some situations, it might feel easier or more natural to bring up sex over text, especially if you're nervous about having the conversation in person. 

Just be aware that texting lacks the nuance of face-to-face discussions. So it's important to choose your words carefully and to state your intentions upfront.

When talking over text, be clear and respectful. Avoid jokes or vague language that could lead to misunderstandings. Sometimes you can use text to start a conversation, and continue in person.

A good way to start might be, “I’ve been wanting to talk about what sex means to us. Do you think we could chat about it later?”

Keeping the tone light but direct can help open the conversation, making it easier to transition to more sensitive topics like boundaries or sexual health.

And texting can help both partners feel more at ease talking about these topics in person later on.

Any relationship can include a good sex life

Open and honest conversations about sex are one of the building blocks of a great relationship. Many people think that good sex is all about technique, when in fact, there’s much more to it than that. 

No one is born a perfect lover—it’s something that couples learn together, through trust, communication, and a willingness to be vulnerable.

By talking about sex early and often, you create a space where both partners can grow and enjoy a more fulfilling relationship, both physically and emotionally.

Remember, the goal isn't perfection, but rather connection. Good lovers are made by listening, learning, and being open to each other’s needs and desires.

Should we get help talking about sex?

Sometimes, despite your best efforts, talking about sex in a new relationship can still feel daunting or uncomfortable. If that’s the case, it might help to bring in a neutral third party, like a therapist or counselor, who can guide the conversation.

Sex therapy isn't just for long-term partners or those in crisis—sometimes it's helpful early on to build healthy communication habits around sensitive topics like sex. You can also go to sex therapy on your own, just to learn more about yourself.

Our sex therapists can offer techniques to make these conversations easier and ensure both partners feel heard and respected.

If you and your partner are struggling to open up or you feel that past experiences are making it difficult, seeking professional support can be a great way to get on the same page and deepen your intimacy. If that sounds like it could help, please contact us today. We’d love to support you.

FAQs

When should I talk about sex in a new relationship?

It’s best to bring up sex as early as possible—before having sex or when it seems likely that it will happen. Starting the conversation early helps set expectations and ensures both partners feel comfortable and informed.

Is it normal to talk about sex in a relationship?

Yes, it’s not only normal but healthy! Open communication about sex helps partners build trust, understand each other’s needs, and enjoy a more satisfying sexual connection.

How do you talk openly about sex in a relationship?

Start with a clear intention, be honest, and choose a relaxed, private setting. Acknowledge any awkwardness, and focus on creating an open dialogue where both partners feel safe expressing their desires, boundaries, and concerns.